ethnowoman

I will be spending today wrestling with my diss. I've got 36 pages to send to my supervisor and I've still got to write the very last section of the chapter (before day's end), where I sum it all up: Why exactly have I been blathering on for 36 pages about immigration, multiculturalism, Canadian identity, and so on: How is this relevant to G. music exactly?

In my heart I know it's all connected but it's something I haven't really had to articulate before, and it's very slow going. ".....BECAUSE." would be the answer I would give if I could.

Stupid Piled Higher and Deeper degree. =)

Oh, thinky thinky!


LLB is all fine, apparently. His tonsils are hugely swollen but the ped assures us he can still breathe and is in no danger from anything. Back to daycare tomorrow! We spent yesterday watching Backyardigans. He is such a cuddly, cheerful guy. He's my Prince Charming right now. He's trying desperately to talk, or to communicate with limited vocabulary. I name everything for him to speed it up, but it's hard to tell if that helps or not.

Bug, on the other hand, has developed some very unpleasant habits lately: the first is SHOUTING EVERYTHING--which we're having moderate success at correcting at home--and the second is gazing off into the distance, or just beside my ear, and talking in gibberish, rolling her head around. It freaks me out. There's a couple of boys at daycare who do this, and I know that being "stupid" like this is a classically "boy" thing to do but it is surely the worst of the gendered "boy" behaviour in the way that the helpless princess trope is the worst of the "girl" behaviour. It's the blank look in her eyes that bothers me the most. She looks like she's having a psychotic breakdown. Which is possibly a perfectly normal behaviour in a three-year-old... but I don't have to like it.

She has also started to spit at home, and taunt her brother in that sing-song chant, ie "I have a candy". Yeah, pretty unpleasant all around. So on that front I must admit I will be a little glad when she stops daycare. I'm discovering a bit of a hate-on for some of the daycare boys. I've never been a fan of boys "as a group". Individually they're fine but in packs they are just ... yuck. Sorry, boys.

I'm pretty sure I'm not going to more accepting if LLB brings this behaviour home, either. It's clearly not mandatory "boy" behaviour because all of Bug's non-daycare friends are boys and I've never seen them act this way. Since I don't have to accept it, I'm not going to bother trying.

On the other hand I did have a nice exchange with her yesterday. As she took her dirty clothes off, I asked if she would put them in the laundry basket instead of on the floor. "Um.... no."  "Why not?" "Because I don't want to." "Oh. Well, would you do it anyway?" "Um.... sure." (drops clothes in). So, that was a Win!

My mother's line was always "It won't kill you" and I channel that a lot. Oh, these phrases get hard-wired in!

P and I finally got our four hands together to peek down LLB's throat and his tonsils are WAY inflamed. So he's going off to the pediatrician today. I don't even know how it's possible to breathe like that.

We went over the "for sale" items at the new house last night. They are lovely items but we simply cannot afford most of them. The dining table and chairs are the kind I've wanted for years.... a heavy cherrywood formal table with six upholstered chairs. They look brand-new, and might be, since the seller bought a lot of furniture simply to "stage" the house. But the chairs have WHITE fabric on them, bottoms and backs. They wouldn't last ten minutes around my kids. So regretfully we decided to stick with our much uglier but indestructible set. However if any of my Calgary peeps are shopping for a dining room set, this one is beautiful! 

We're going to put an offer on the leather living room set, and see how much we can get the price down.  The seller has overpriced everything with the caveat that it's all negotiable. But P and I are both crappy negotiators. Thank god we had the realtor to get a good house price for us. The Asian way is better... they negotiate for everything, even small purchases, and then are all practiced up when it comes to the big-ticket items. In Canada we negotiate for nothing until it is time to buy a car or house, and then we pit our little newbie selves against professional negotiators, and get eaten alive a lot of times. Doesn't this seem odd?


P and I have made a rather complicated plan for me to get to Calgary next week, as it turns out he will be in Calgary the day before, so cannot watch the kids. I will be SO glad when he's not travelling all the time! Now I need to buy interview clothes as my comfy sweats are probably not going to carry conviction in an office setting.

Bug has decided that Strawberry is "her" bunny and she does not want to share him with other members of the family. This is causing some friction with her brother. Still, I'm glad they are so fond of him.

This afternoon I got two phone calls on top of each other. One was the estimate lady from Western Van Lines, lost because the dispatcher had given her the wrong address. The second was from Cantos/ National Music Foundation, offering me an interview for that job posting that tobecandid sent.

So I will be in Calgary next week!

And, we will have to wait until Friday for the moving quote, because our estimator ended up in Millwoods today instead.

Still not sure if I want the job or not, but it's worth sniffing further. Mostly I'm feeling rushed--I don't have daycare, haven't moved yet--haven't even closed on the house--haven't finished my dissertation. Too many good things all at once, arg arg arg, run about screaming!

I talked this over with Paul and he has stated his firm intent to not pressure me into taking this job just for money. He is willing, in theory, for me to be a stay-at-home mom, but we both know that I'm not temperamentally suited for that. All things being equal, I would rather like to spend the summer with the kids, and then I would like to plunk them in daycare in September and reclaim my brain. Academia, for me, is the place I go to relax, escape. Kids, although I love them desperately, make me tense and crabby on a full-time basis.


Anyway, Chapter One is going hugely well, see above note re: relaxing, escape! I've been cruising the Globe for articles about immigration--all terribly, terribly interesting. Today's best reads:

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/opinions/editorials/overqualified-immigrants-really-are-driving-taxis-in-canada/article2429356/ 

and 
 http://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/national/time-to-lead/for-many-indians-the-land-of-opportunity-is-the-land-theyre-going-back-to/article2431478/?utm_medium=Feeds%3A%20RSS%2FAtom&utm_source=World&utm_content=2431478

Everybody is waking up late today. LLB and I are both sick and snotty, P got home from Calgary around 3am, and Bug..... well, Bug just likes to sleep in.

P did a walk-through of the new house last night to measure rooms, and the owners surprised him by leaving post-it notes on their furniture, with prices if we want to buy it. P took pics and we can discuss this today (it is REALLY nice furniture, but would be a luxury). He did, however, offer on the spot to buy the lawnmower! That's a necessity! What a great idea, if you have to sell your furntiture, to start with the people buying your house. Absolutely the easiest solution for everyone. We believe the seller is returning to China.

Actually I read yesterday that a lot of Canadian new immigrants are returning to China and India--China's government has started to actively recruit the expats, and while India doesn't have a formal policy, many people feel that there are opportunities in the growing economy that Canada can't offer. So Canada's emigration rate is pretty high right now too.

In further house news, Paul discovered that his cousin (his "favourite cousin" lives in Calgary in the same way that we have "favourite auntie" in Edmonton), who lives in the next suburb over from our new home, in fact takes her child to a dayhome that is three doors down from our new place. Without knowing anything about the dayhome other than Michelle loves it and it charges only by the day, I asked to be put on the wait list. Am very excited about this new development. It would also mean the kids could play with their cousin who is also 3. That would be cool.

So things are falling into place for the Calgary move and that is very nice to see.

I had to pick up LLB early from daycare yesterday--he got sent home early for being sick--I think he schedules these things on purpose when P is out of town.  He seemed fine in the morning though, he doesn't have a fever, and I'm pretty damn sure that if I spend all morning at the doctor's office I will be told "snot" and get sent home. I think he's got sinus congestion, since that's what I have, and LLB and I share ALL our sicknesses. Possibly because he force-feeds me a lot. Anyway, I don't know what to do with him. It's so frustrating being on a deadline for school. I wouldn't begrudge the all-morning doctor's wait if he needed meds, but I'm pretty sure he doesn't. Grrrrr.

Signed the legal documents for the house a few minutes ago. Ours, all ours, my precioussssssss.

The irony of me buying a house that is in many ways identical to one I owned with my ex-husband has not escaped me. I'm hoping there's no bad juju there, aside from the fact that I will be paying a whopping $230,000 MORE for this one. I try not to think about that, or possibly to regard it as a child tax, since I could certainly never have had my lovely children with my ex.

It's hard not to be worried about the fate of Canada in general and our children's economic futures specifically. A Globe and Mail article the other day compared 1984 university grads with 2012 university grads. In 1984, the average household wage was $50,000 and the average house price was $96,000. In 2012, the average household wage is $60,000 and the average house price is $367,000, yes, you read those numbers correctly.

That's great news for people who already owned a house--all that happy equity gets so much fatter--but what about people who don't? That's a big chunk of the Canadian population to be irreversibly priced out of the market. It saddens me to see egalitarian Canada becoming more classist. Is this inevitable as societies age and land becomes more scarce, or is it more a by-product of neo-liberal influences coming out of the US? I wish I understood economics better.



Now taking a few minutes to caffeinate before heading to the U to meet my supervisor. Was up all night with cranky LLB who possibly did not entirely clear that throat infection with the latest round of antibiotics.Could be a tricky meeting with F and I'm trying to be all "inshallah" about it. Hopefully caffeine hits bloodstream soon.

EDIT: 5:15 pm, there's a lot of dialogue out there about growing inequality. On my way to the U today, CBC radio was airing a multi-part series on Canada's growing economic disparities. I didn't get the whole thing but apparently areas the hardest hit by these disparities have had all sorts of social problems such as marital breakdowns (divorce), bankruptcy, spiralling consumer debt, lack of trust in government at all levels, and anomie. This is a very real phenomenon surging across North America and it is getting worse, not better.

We had a lovely Mothers' Day yesterday, spent mostly laying around like lizards. I was still sick so got tons of nap time, then for an early decadent supper we all went to Fat Frank's on Whyte Ave (my request). It wouldn't be everyone's idea of a fun Mothers' Day but it suits me perfectly. I love the Whyte Ave crowd, FF's hot dogs, and then of course there's Block 1812 just down the street for ice cream! Lots of other people out yesterday with their kids and dogs, enjoying the sunshine. A lovely way to spend the first hot day of summer.

We signed the bank paperwork on Saturday. For those who care, I was stunned at how awesomely good that experience was at BMO. The guy was the epitome of everything a good banker should be--respectful, hugely knowledgeable, a great communicator--and the rates and options for mortgages are the best (in my limited experience of three mortgages) I've ever seen.

Today we sign the papers with the lawyers. This will be done long-distance as P is in Calgary. So the realtor is emailing them here and I will print and fax them back. A bit unorthodox but I'm sure it's done all the time.

Now that we're moving for sure I've started to not love our old house as much. Of course its little wee space can't compare as favourably to our new big one. We have TOO much stuff in spite of last winter's purge. P and I also had a serious talk about books--really, what IS the snob cachet in owning millions of books?--and he agreed to get rid of a bunch (thanks, Kobo, for making that decision easier!). The basic problem is either you need to keep buying bookcases (and more real estate) or you need to maintain equilibrium somehow. Since I have a serious fear of "hoarding" I tend to throw things away a lot. I'll never be a hoarder but it does seem, sometimes, like the "stuff" is smarter than I am. I'm plotting a great big purge this time too. Pondering getting rid of my pre-pregnancy clothes, among other things. Even if I do fit into them again someday, will I want them at that point? Ummm, no. So if anyone on here is a size 8, shortish person, send me a message and they can be all yours. 

Not surprisingly, the clutter is worse now that we have kids. People give us SO MUCH "stuff" for them. Each Dora and Barbie doll comes with its own shoes and comb and shirt and hairbrush and I just wanted to cry when Bug opened them all. These toys just seem so useless. They get lost in under three minutes and are never again reunited with their trademarked character. My mom, now, just sends money and we take the kids somewhere, on a field trip, with the cash. Last time we went to Telus World of Science. This time I think it will be Discovery Park. Of course it's nice to have a present to open for a child's birthday, I just wish they didn't come with so many accessories. And, I should point out, we basically never buy toys for the children. It's crazy how many toys they have. They can amuse themselves for up to an hour playing with the vaccuum cleaner, anyway, or if outside, they require two pinecones and a stone. Kids do NOT need this many toys, and I have the theory that too many trademarked toys limits the imagination anyway. End rant. Of course I am terribly grateful for so many generous people in our lives! The best part about the toys, IMO,  is that the children have some ties to their friends and families, and they can remember how much they're loved. That is the best use of fifteen dollars!

I do, however, cling to my theory that in one area--kids clothes--having more make life easier, not harder.

The house is ours! We got the call from the bank yesterday and are signing the papers today at 1. Woot! So nice to be able to make plans.

In my mind, the basement is already subdivided for finishing, the (hopefully new) furniture has been arranged, and I'm sitting on the deck with a glass of wine, watching the kids frolic on the nice new lawn. I've skipped over all the pesky "packing and unpacking" mental footage.

Making mental lists of things to buy, which is not going to please Paul. =D Lawnmore; area rugs (we will try to protect you, lovely white carpet), children's dresser(s), and hopefully new furniture (leather please). Maybe we could Kijiji our way into some of these things. Makes more sense to get them all in Calgary.


We took the kids to Rundle Park last night for a picnic, and they spent an hour+ chasing ducks/ throwing stones into the pond. Who knew that was so fun? What a nice night for a picnic, too. Not too warm or too cold, not enough sun to need sunscreen, and no mosquitos. Absolutely perfect early summer weather! I sat on the path, watching the kids throw stones, letting the warm summer sun bake away my cold winter heart. Paul spent the hour phoning everyone he could think of, telling them about the house, until his phone battery went dead.

He's way more excited than I am about this house. Well, and it's a big achievement for him. He's worked his tail off, found a great job, managed his money well, and he should absolutely be proud of all of that.


I followed up the Cantos job posting yesterday; they're still screening candidates right now. The pay would be about a third of what I could make teaching piano, but it might be a way more fun job, and the hours of course wouldn't suck like piano teaching. Not sure I will be short-listed though, so have to keep waiting.

Likewise I am also waiting to hear back about that long-forgotten doctoral fellowship I applied for. I got a letter almost two months ago saying I had been short-listed and they would "be in touch", and since they weren't, I assumed I had not gotten it. But our department's grad coordinator says that FGSR hasn't been in touch with anyone yet, so apparently there's still hope, however faint.

Also yesterday I sent an essay submission off to the Facts and Arguments section of the Globe and Mail. I wrote it a couple of months ago in a dissertation-procrastinatory moment, and then couldn't find the link to submit it. I came across that yesterday so I brushed the thing off and sent it in. There's no money in F&A, just bragging rights if accepted. I think, in retrospect, that there are too many mawkish cliches in the thing, but it's sent now and it was free to try, and fun to write. A good experience if nothing else.

I looked up my old boss from the music school I taught at in Calgary. She is still running and would very likely hire me for the fall should I wish that to happen. Not sure if I do. Waiting.


Oh! And! Another great thing about the new house? The local Coop has free child-minding for the shoppers! SO looking forward to that.

It's been one month with Strawberry, and it's going really well. It's so nice to have a furry, cuddly beastie around the house again. He hasn't bitten since the first week, and aside from a couple of teeny shirt holes, no damage anywhere in the house. We take him out for an hour or so every day to frolic, and he's getting steadily more cuddly. I could swear that he hops over to the door of his cage and is sending us beseeching looks for freedom and loves.

b


A lot of people on FB warned me that bunnies were high-maintenance, but I am so not feeling that. I scoop his lovely-smelling cedar chips every couple of days and do a cage overhaul once a week, and he doesn't smell or spray that I've noticed. Even when I have him out of his cage he rarely has an accident. And bunny poops? Are so discreet. They look like little chocolate chips. After dealing with horrible sick kitty poop, sick puppy poop, and sick baby poop, bunny poops are practically not poops at all.

Also, I have figured out how to pick him up (just this week) without getting scratched. The trick is to turn him over on his back, which seems counterintuitive but works dandy. The scratches on my hands are finally healing....

Bunnies are very subtle compared to other animals; they don't purr, growl, or wag their tails. It's like growing a wildflower after owning tearoses. I'm learning to tell if he's happy or scared according to his ears, his demeanour, his engagement with the world. It's a fun and new experience. I'm pretty sure that he's enjoying us too, lately.

The house link is inactive this morning and the conditional sale seems more official somehow!

Our realtor told us that housing prices in Calgary are higher than in Dubai right now.


I spent a lot of yesterday at Riel House, tinkering with Chapter One. Struggled with issues of class guilt yesterday as I left our house when the cleaner was there, listened to six UA staff do spring cleaning on the lawn at Riel House, and then met the housekeeper at Riel House! We know someone cleans, but we never see them--until yesterday! She is Yugoslavian and we talked about Gypsy music. I played "Zellem Zellem" for her (the Gypsy anthem, which was floating around on my desk) because she so badly wanted to hear it. She said she heard it at home (ie Yugoslavia) all the time.

Classes are more mutable in Canada than in other countries, although we are not entirely "classless" as (so I read) some of the new immigrants perceive.

Yesterday I got a digital photo frame for my mom and spent the evening loading the SD card with pics from the computer. Wow that was a long process. It took me two hours to fill it up, but it is done and I can send that off today.

We've decided to try to rent out this house, depending on the quality of the renters we can turn up. If nothing but flakes apply, we will sell it. I have volunteered to handle the rental applications since I like researchy type stuff. More class guilt. If this succeeds we will be slum lords, or bankrupt if the rental goes badly. Class mutability!

My mom and stepfather are also moving soon; from the acreage to town (village) in mid-May. I can't wait to visit them in town! Soooo much easier than on the acreage. Assuming I'm ever allowed there with the children. Last time I suggested visiting, I was vetoed because my mom had concerns that the kids would trip over stepfather's oxygen line, sigh. I will bring up the topic again when she is a little more settled and not so anxious. They haven't seen the kids for almost a year at this point. My family is terribly anxious by nature (or nurture: the jury's out) and one of the lesser-known benefits is that one acquires great skills at dealing with anxiety in other people. I am the most zen-like of the bunch but that's not saying much.


The kids were out at P's dad yesterday till late. P's dad breaks his computer with depressing regularily (every two weeks, lately) and P is always there fixing it. I've bailed on the whole process--I refuse to watch the kids at that house--and P, bless him, is willing to accomodate that. He brings the kids with him on days when I'm at Riel House, and then I can roll in much later, visit for a half hour--enough to be social but not long enough to go crazy--and take everyone home. It works really well. Frankly he doesn't want to watch the kids there either so he shunts the kid-watching on to his dad, who does it minimally and unenthusiastically, but doesn't complain because, well, he's getting free tech service.

I don't know how P's dad is going to get his computer fixed when we move though.

So we had an awesome party yesterday. Thanks to jopickles for the great idea of putting the crafts on a tablecloth and then just folding it all up to throw away, that saved a ton of time. All the kids made a butterfly to take home, with a great deal of glue and sprinkles. They enjoyed the butterfly hunt very much (and some started eating the candy outside), although I think they were a little young for the "cocoon to butterfly" thing (I made "cocoons" on twigs, then got the kids to blow on them, put them away, and replaced them all secretly with butterflies a few minutes later). Just one little girl, by far the most mature of the kids, seemed to understand the process. Oh well. It was a very fun party overall! The cupcakes, which I thought were kind of sad-looking as individuals, seemed to look a lot better en masse, and the kids loved them too.

Most of the food disappeared except the butterfly-shaped PBJs. Couldn't move them so P ended up eating most of them at the end. I didn't spend a lot of time on food, just chopped things up and stuck them out for the most part. Almost all the hot dogs got eaten. A child would have to be pretty much dead to turn down a hot dog, I think. And I have learned that for children's parties you do not need to have the same amount of buns, because some children will want a hot dog by itself. I am constantly shocked at the learning curve to parenthood!


Bug got a Dora doll, Snow White doll (I hate Snow White the worst of all the princesses, but she is pretty!) and Dr. Barbie doll. Barbie is a veterinary doctor in this case and comes complete with a pregnant kitty, a kitty ultrasound machine which reveals the kittens when you slide the bar across the screen, and, when you push a little lever, a baby kitty appears inside the (hollow) momma kitty. Say what you will about Barbie, her accessories are cool.


Bug's bestie from daycare didn't come which was a bit disappointing, because she loves him SOOO much, and his mom didn't RSVP either which is, frankly, kind of rude. We waited a long time for him before we finally started the butterfly hunt without him. Am just shocked by people's manners these days.

My friend K brought a bag of hand me downs for LLB, from her little boy, and I passed on a bag of girl's clothes to my friend R's little girl. We have a handy little chain of used clothing that is going to be completely disrupted by our move! What I really like about our (very informal) system is that everything is completely free; not because I don't want to pay, but the cameraderie is more pleasant that way. I do generally end up giving K some cash for the (extremely large) bags of clothes she brings over, but I'm always aware I don't have to, and that somehow changes the tone a lot. I have nice friends.

Today: off to Calgary in an hour, am enjoying a few minutes of solitude before the place explodes again with crying children and bewildered hubbands (he is always bewildered in the early hours). Hopefully we can get a house nailed down today.